I read some astonishing research today about social networks
and cancer.
Of course, we already know the importance of friends when we
go through life's traumas. When cancer
hit like a speeding truck, I was amazed by the support we received:
practically, emotionally and spiritually.
It certainly made me feel better. It gave me courage, filled me with hope,
carried me forward on a rising tide of well wishes. But it wasn't going to make the cancer go
away. Was it?
According to a study published in 2012 by scientists at
Kaiser Permanente, it just might. The
study showed that women with early stage invasive cancer who have strong social
networks have significantly lower
mortality rates than women who are socially isolated.
At first I assumed this was probably because people with
good support networks get more practical support, allowing them to rest and
heal. Apparently not. Even allowing for these factors, the research
showed that you have better chances of beating cancer simply by having people
to encourage and uplift you. Isn't that
incredible?
Great news if you are already lucky enough to enjoy a
network of friends who are supporting you through your cancer. But if you are feeling isolated, then this
leaves you worse off than ever with nothing you can do about it, doesn't it?
Maybe there is more we can do than we realise, starting by
taking an honest look at our reaction to cancer. I've said it before and I'll say it again:
having cancer sucks. Who could blame us
for being angry and bitter about the hand we've been dealt? People around us don't understand and can
sometimes say the worst possible things, however well meaning. It's only
natural to lash out at the people closest to us and then retreat.
Leaving ourselves isolated.
Our challenge is to understand that it isn't easy for the
people around us either. They don't know
what to say. They probably want to help
but don't know how. If we don't guide
them, they are likely to back away.
On the other hand, offer people a way in and I've been
amazed by the willingness to help and how much support they are prepared to
give. It's up to us to cultivate that
goodwill and let people into our confidence.
When I was first diagnosed, I started sending update emails
to my friends who are spread around the world. It was therapeutic to write openly about what
was happening to me and, before I knew it, the email list grew as more and more
people asked to be included. Normally I
am a rather private person but I guess I was too caught up in the misery of the
moment to realise quite what I was doing, though I did do a double-take when I
announced I'd be having my breast cut off to an email list so long that I could
hardly remember who was on it! In any
case, I did not intend to carry on once I was through the first few crazy weeks
so, when I started chemo, I tried to draw my correspondence to a close. I got back the resounding answer - don't
stop!
I realised that my emails involved people in my journey and
helped them know that I needed and valued their support. In fact, several have confided that my emails
have helped them support other friends in similar situations, other cancer
suffers who have not been able to be so candid.
People can't help you if they don't know what you are suffering through.
Give people a way in and they might surprise you. So, next time a friend or neighbour makes an
insensitive comment, bite back that acerbic reply and instead try and help them
understand by being open and honest about your journey. Involve them. Don't be too proud to accept
support when it is offered - just be grateful.
Let them feel good about it!
And if you really don't have people around you who can
support you, turn to the internet. There
are many supportive groups formed in discussion forums. Who said your support networks had to be with
people you already know?
Don't sit back and wait for that supportive network to form
around you. Go out there and make it
happen. It might save your life.
No comments:
Post a Comment