Friday, 4 July 2014

2 July: Waiting

Today is a waiting game and that's hard.  I don't know yet what I'm dealing with.  We gleaned from the French covering letter intended for the consultant that its Grade II cancer - a quick Google showed that to be the most common and not-too-aggressive form of cancer.  But what stage?  I still worry about that biopsy on my lymph node.

Mostly I manage to be pretty positive, I just need to get this done.  Other times, I fear that this is only the first battle in a war that will gobble up the next decade...and the rest.  Once the thief in the night has visited, it is difficult to ever feel secure again.

But often I just feel childishly pissed off because it's not fair and its going to screw up the summer.  Why me?  I don't even have any breasts to speak of!  And I was the mother earth type who breast fed her babies as long as I possibly could, wasn't that supposed to protect me?

Of course, the answer is that life isn't fair and if it only screws up the summer then I will have been incredibly lucky.

Would I rather have the evil luck that has visited our friends and left their son with an inoperable brain tumour?  Would I have my husband knocked off his bike by a car as happened to another friend?

Bring it on.

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